I haven’t felt like I’ve had a family for years.
It’s not like I try to be disconnected from my family. But I am nothing like anyone; not my mom, not my dad, not my grandparents and definitely nothing like my brother.
I wish I could feel like I belong in this family. But I really don’t. I don’t look forward to awkward Christmas Eve with the strangers I’ve known my whole life. Everyone is uncomfortable, it’s obvious.
I wish I knew my dad’s side more. But everyone is so far away and when they do talk to/about me, it’s never anything nice.
One of these days, I hope to have a family that stays together, even if I have to start from scratch. A family that helps each other and spends time together and goes on vacation together. I haven’t had that in a very, very long time.